The Essentials of Present day Dwelling

A few nice rosetta stone prices images I found:

The Essentials of Modern Living


Image by Boogies with Fish
www.messersmith.name/wordpress/2010/02/27/the-essentials-…
Along with all the fun which I derive from providing you with the finest daily entertainment on the planet comes a Public Responsibility. This is my burden. One might call it "The Funnyman’s Burden." This gigantic ironwood cross which I bear daily as I trudge to the office to pound out yet another jewel of jibber-jabber is the burden of responsibility to inform  as well as to entertain. After all, entertainment void of information is as empty as Britney Spears’ head. (oh, I’ll get comments on that one!).

Which causes me to momentarily digress to inform you that the two posts, out of 736 so far, which have drawn the most comments were one in which I showed an image of Britney Spears with my dog, Sheba’s, tongue hanging from her mouth and another in which I featured an astonishingly stupid product called "Yoga Toes" which had absolutely nothing  to do with yoga. (Justin Friend, do not  comment on this!). At the risk of offending you, gentle reader, this fact does not reflect well on the sophistication of my audience.

My first informational item, as have all the others, comes from the astoundingly classy The Atlantic Monthly  magazine, a rag which I study with religious fervor. This amazing offer allows one to acquire an entire stamp collection (1 collection per order, please) at no cost whatsoever: You should probably note that the stamps shown, while not exactly pricey, are still a teesny bit on the collectible side and therefore are probably not  the ones you will receive. They also fail to mention that any decent hobby stamp store will have bins of thousands of 50+ year old stamps which you can purchase by the wheelbarrow load for one cent each. Nevertheless, if you know absolutely nothing about stamps and want to get the worst possible start collecting them, why pass up the offer. They’re free,  for pity’s sake! And, you’ll have hours of fun pouring over the "sucker" catalog of over-priced stamps which you will suddenly crave to "complete" your collection.

This one is, really, so funny that I’m nearly at a loss for words. My understanding is that Crusty the Clown is the founder of the Bow Tie Club, but my recollection may be erroneous. I have, on occasion, worn a dead-black bow tie, but only with a black dinner jacket, cumber-bun, diamond studs and a Walther P-38 tucked snugly under my belt in the small of my back, just where the ladies can feel it when I waltz them into a swoon.

Speaking of swooning ladies, lay one of these on your favorite squeeze and see what happens: You can honestly tell her that it is a genuine Diamondmumble.  It’s very important to mumble the Aura  part, unless, of course you simply want to lie about it. I’d be a little cautious about that, however, in case she ever decides she needs some quick cash and takes it to her favourite pawn broker. Most hock-shops also sell pistols – the nice little nickel-plated jobs that fit neatly into a purse or a dainty hand.

By the way, you can click on any of these to read the fine print. It’s intensely amusing.

And now for The Smartest Stupidest Watch on the Planet: Really, come on! US5? You know, I never wear a watch unless I’m in the USA where you can be shot for not doing so. Upon arrival in America, I go as fast as my short little legs can carry me to the nearest Wal-Mart and buy the biggest, flashiest watch that I can find for less than . I usually end up paying about .99. That seems to be the price point. When I’m on the way to the gate to board a plane leaving the U. S. of A., I get rid of the watch. I used to try to give them away, but people started looking for the nearest security guard. Now I just toss it into a trash bin.

Oh, how I love it when companies in the business of making us money on our precious retirement funds tell us how wonderful they are: I call this one The Train to Nowhere.  If I need to explain, then you obviously have been dead broke for the last five years, eating out of dumpsters and sleeping in cardboard boxes under railroad trestles and have therefore been mercifully spared the agony of seeing your life’s savings dwindle to "Dinner at McDonald’s" proportions. Lucky you.

Okay, I’m the last guy who should be making fun of old folks. But, the stuff they buy! I mean, look at this thing. Does it look safe to you? Thank heaven it’s battery operated. I wouldn’t want to sit in the bath in something that looks like this which was plugged into a power socket: Does it eject you from the bath? If so, with what force? You know, I was water boarded three times in my former career about which I can say nothing (whoops, I may have just done so). The guys used a device which looked very similar to this, although somewhat more crude. It wasn’t  battery operated. They were remarkably humorful about the whole thing. I haven’t heard such uproarious laughter since the time I shot myself in the leg with a .38 Special. Now that  was funny!

There’s something else vaguely discalming to me about this ad. How old were you when adults stopped giving you a bath? I seem to remember locking the bathroom door by the time I was five.

I have to admit that this is my sentimental favourite. This poor bumpkin has been holding this box of Italian lessons and scratching his head for at least two years. Not to be cruel – he is a hardworking farm boy  and in the Great American Dream he richly deserves  to be intimately associated with all manner of supermodels,  especially with those who speak only Italian. If only he could speak Italian, he could have his big chance. It’s a terrible thing to waste a massive libido: The folks at RosettaStone will, in a matter of days, have him Skyping her and whispering sweet nothings into her shell-like ears (she’s wearing a stereo headset). His rich baritone voice, roughened by years of tractor dust to a masculinity exceeded only by the likes of Charlton Heston, the late and much lamented former President of the National Rifle Association, will melt her with his quickly acquired Tuscan accent.

She will arrive at the family farm. They will marry with much fanfare. He will give up farming to sell insurance. She will, in an astonishing short period, gain 80 Kilograms. They will live happily ever after.

Ain’t life grand?

Pharaonic Village in Cairo


Image by Hossam all line
For those who are in a rush or not interested in what I write, I will begin with my conclusion of my last trip to pharaonic village in Cairo.

“You might be better off staying at home and saving your money, except if you are bored, have no plans to go anywhere or do anything, or have no TV or if the battery in your radio is dead and there no shops open to buy batteries., Then you can consider visiting the Pharaonic Village”

If you are uninterested in continuing reading you can stop .. but a word of caution the conclusion may change by the end of these lines.

Now back to those who are interested in reading these lines ..

The Pharaonic Village is basically an amazing idea, simply put to build a live simulating environment, that brings back to reality the daily life in ancient Egypt and to show how the Ancient Egyptians lived their daily life is brilliant. In the village there are real people who are dressed like Ancient Egyptians and going through their day exactly as the Ancient Egyptians would have done They do all ancient jobs such as: "producing Pardie paper (papyrus) ", "Farming", “carving stones” etc. Unfortunately, the execution of this brilliant idea was not at the same level of brilliancy.

The Pharaonic Village is not far from Al-Tahrier Square (Downtown) which is only seven kilo-meters away.
I started my tour (invited) at 12:00 pm (if you insist on taking this tour, 12 pm is a bit late. 11am would be a good time to start the tour and 10:30am would be great ). Upon arrival they asked us to join one of two touring groups based on language (Arabic or English) .. after that two boats took each of the groups to two guides waiting on the other side of the river .. then the two groups went in their ways separately.

A guide welcomed our group very well and she took us in a long live tour through the past (Temples , rich houses , poor houses , manufactures , agriculture and so on ). she was really a good guide. During the tour there were two breaks (to shop around and buy Village products but they are sooooooo expensive).

After the second break, she took us to an exact model of The Tomb of Tutankhamun which exists in Luxor (as she told us), after that Eman (that was the name of our guide ) left us to another guide who guided us through the rest of the tour.

He was so cleaver guide, his name was Michael. Michael explained to us many things about pyramids and the Ancient Egyptians and other few things which he described as very strange or mysterious specially some were about Rosetta Stone, I asked him "oh Michael do you really believe in that (what you have just said) ? " he honestly answered me "of course …. not"

In the village they will tell you that they have many museums. Don’t let them fool you (like what happened to me) they are only small rooms called museums and DEFINITELY they are not, at best they can be described as exhibitions .

Now, it’s dinner time. So, we went to the village restaurant (my friends think the food was good , I don’t consider my opinion in food is standard , I have a very special taste so , I can’t tell you )

Last part of the tour was the best thing. It was a free tour in the Nile river (1 hour) in a wonderful yacht.

I’m not sure about the Ticket price but there are many types of Tickets depending on what you would like your tour to include like (yacht, number of museums , etc).

Finally and in spite of what I wrote and for some reason (that I don’t know) if someone would to invites me again, I would go.

Especially If I have a good companionship like the one I had, then the village would look good to me, even if my Radio battery is good.
Salaam

Pharaonic Village in Cairo


Image by Hossam all line
For those who are in a rush or not interested in what I write, I will begin with my conclusion of my last trip to pharaonic village in Cairo.

“You might be better off staying at home and saving your money, except if you are bored, have no plans to go anywhere or do anything, or have no TV or if the battery in your radio is dead and there no shops open to buy batteries., Then you can consider visiting the Pharaonic Village”

If you are uninterested in continuing reading you can stop .. but a word of caution the conclusion may change by the end of these lines.

Now back to those who are interested in reading these lines ..

The Pharaonic Village is basically an amazing idea, simply put to build a live simulating environment, that brings back to reality the daily life in ancient Egypt and to show how the Ancient Egyptians lived their daily life is brilliant. In the village there are real people who are dressed like Ancient Egyptians and going through their day exactly as the Ancient Egyptians would have done They do all ancient jobs such as: "producing Pardie paper (papyrus) ", "Farming", “carving stones” etc. Unfortunately, the execution of this brilliant idea was not at the same level of brilliancy.

The Pharaonic Village is not far from Al-Tahrier Square (Downtown) which is only seven kilo-meters away.
I started my tour (invited) at 12:00 pm (if you insist on taking this tour, 12 pm is a bit late. 11am would be a good time to start the tour and 10:30am would be great ). Upon arrival they asked us to join one of two touring groups based on language (Arabic or English) .. after that two boats took each of the groups to two guides waiting on the other side of the river .. then the two groups went in their ways separately.

A guide welcomed our group very well and she took us in a long live tour through the past (Temples , rich houses , poor houses , manufactures , agriculture and so on ). she was really a good guide. During the tour there were two breaks (to shop around and buy Village products but they are sooooooo expensive).

After the second break, she took us to an exact model of The Tomb of Tutankhamun which exists in Luxor (as she told us), after that Eman (that was the name of our guide ) left us to another guide who guided us through the rest of the tour.

He was so cleaver guide, his name was Michael. Michael explained to us many things about pyramids and the Ancient Egyptians and other few things which he described as very strange or mysterious specially some were about Rosetta Stone, I asked him "oh Michael do you really believe in that (what you have just said) ? " he honestly answered me "of course …. not"

In the village they will tell you that they have many museums. Don’t let them fool you (like what happened to me) they are only small rooms called museums and DEFINITELY they are not, at best they can be described as exhibitions .

Now, it’s dinner time. So, we went to the village restaurant (my friends think the food was good , I don’t consider my opinion in food is standard , I have a very special taste so , I can’t tell you )

Last part of the tour was the best thing. It was a free tour in the Nile river (1 hour) in a wonderful yacht.

I’m not sure about the Ticket price but there are many types of Tickets depending on what you would like your tour to include like (yacht, number of museums , etc).

Finally and in spite of what I wrote and for some reason (that I don’t know) if someone would to invites me again, I would go.

Especially If I have a good companionship like the one I had, then the village would look good to me, even if my Radio battery is good.
Salaam

Tagged as: Al-Tahrier Square, Ancient Egypt, Bow Tie Club, Britney Spears, Charlton Heston, daily life, dinner time, favourite pawn broker, former president, good time, Hospitality Recreation, italian lessons, Justin Friend, Many Things, National Rifle Association, Nile river, No cost, present day, Real People, Rosetta Stone, security guard, Short Period, stupid product, The Atlantic Monthly, the National, The Tomb of Tutankhamun, United States